Here is the top part of the first page.
It’s a book on solitaire of course… what were you thinking it was?
Also I must apologise to Caibbor for not posting this earlier. Sorry 
He brought a book home from school and it had this picture in the front.
Dodgy Looking Picture
I tried to darken the image a little and remove the bleed through of the text on the other side, but this is the entire image!
I may upload the full page later but here is a little quiz for you.
No prizes, just the fame of winning my little quiz 
Possibly the “ultimate question”. So many different questions of why. Well now Google knows the top ones, and using their sophisticated algorithms, now do I. I will now share with you the top ‘why’ questions (according to google). They are:
Try it yourself. If you use Google itself, you don’t get the final one though, but use the Firefox Google thing you should see exactly what I got here. So there we go. One less thing to worry about!
Oh and the sky is blue because of refraction in the atmosphere of the sun. This is also why it changes colour during dawn / dusk because of the increased angle (and actually air pressure, so the ‘red sky at night’ thing does have bearing in reality). The chicken crossed the road to get to the other side, of course and dogs eat poop because it takes the taste away from their food. That is also the reason they are always licking their balls. Don’t take my word for it. Just listen to Dave Lister (at the end of this clip)
Just received this from my mother and thought I had better warn people.
Thank goodness – a diagnosis at last for my recurrent flu-like symptoms!
I’m so glad it’s finally been recognized… I’ve been knocked around by this flu so many times over the years, it’s one of those ones that just hits you suddenly and for some reason it’s more infectious on a weekend… bizarre I know!
I went to a dinner party last night, where I and other guests enjoyed copious amounts of alcohol. I awoke this morning not feeling well, with what could be described as flu-like symptoms; headache, nausea, chills, sore eyes etc.
From the results of some initial testing, I have unfortunately tested positive for what experts are now calling Wine Flu. This debilitating condition is very serious and it appears this is not an isolated case.
Reports are flooding in from all around the neighbourhood of others diagnosed with Wine Flu.
To anyone that starts to exhibit the aforementioned tell-tale signs, experts are recommending a cup of tea and a bit of a lie down.
However, should your condition worsen, you should immediately hire a DVD and take some Nurofen [Nurofen seems to be the only drug available that has been proven to help combat this unusual type of flu]. Others are reporting a McDonald’s Happy Meal can also help in some cases, but I’m not so sure about that one.
Wine Flu does not need to be life threatening, and if treated early can be eradicated within a 24-48 hour period. If not, then further application of the original liquid in similar quantities to the original dose has been shown to do the trick
Stop freaking out. Keep washing your hands. Don't sneeze on people. Normal flu kills 36K people in the US a year (according to CDC stats). Only a SINGLE person has died in the US so far from 'swine flu', and they were a 2 year old visiting from Mexico. Stop worrying!
Anyway here are the jokes, curtosy of my mother.
I called the Swine Flu hotline today but I couldn't get through … all I got was crackling.
How do you know if you have Swine Flu? You keep getting these rashers!
Doctor, Doctor. I think I have Swine Flu! Don't worry, just rub in this oinkment.
Oinkment won't work for Mexican Swine Flu. You need Juantibiotics!
Doctor, Doctor. I've just eaten a bacon sandwich, am I going to die? Depends if the bacon was cured or not.
Doctor, Doctor. My daughter woke up this morning in pigtails. Should I be worried?
A woman runs out of petrol and phones her husband "I've run out of petrol but I daren't go to fill up because of this Swine Flu". The husband says "you daft ayputh, it's in Mexico, not Texaco!"
I won a holiday to Mexico, but I can't go and I'm pig sick about it.
Feeling bored on the bus/train/underground? Take out your mobile phone and pretend to have a conversation with an imaginary caller all about your recent holiday in Mexico. Hang up. Then sneeze…
News Flash …. this just in. The world's religious leaders have issued a joint declaration that the Swine Flu pandemic is the start of the a-pork-alypse!
This little piggy went to market
This little piggy stayed at home
This little piggy had roast beef
This little piggy had none
And this little piggy went "cough, sneeze" and the whole world's media went mad over the imminent destruction of the human race, and every journalist found ut that they didn't have to do too much work if they just did "Find 'bird', replace with 'swine'" on all their saved articles from a year ago, er, all the way home.
The World Health Organisation has confirmed that a Swine Flu pandemic is now imminent, raising fears that millions of people obviously have no idea what a pandemic is.
Swine Flu is caused by exposure to Gammon Rays.
Apparently over 6 billion emails have been sent out in the last week about Swine Flu. Duh! Didn't you know spam comes from pigs.
A lion, a bear and a pig are in the pub, showing off.
The lion claims, "I'm the mightiest creature on the planet, I roar and the plains shake."
The bear claims, "I'm the mightiest creature on the planet, I roar and the forests shake."
The pig replied, "Nah, I'm the mightiest creature on the planet, I cough and the whole world wets itself…"
Watch out for the following:
• Look out for any unusual blemishes or rashers.
• Unusual behaviour: doing things you would normally find a complete boar.
• Bad temper: things start to very easily rind you up.
• Overheating: Feeling that you are absolutely bacon hot.
• Chills; Feeling like you need to hog the duvet or curl up in front of a crackling fire.
• Wanting a fight: Shouting out things like “Gammon have a go if you think you’re hard enough…”
If any of these symptoms show, then immediately call a hambulance, and go to the hogspital for treatment. Smokers please note it is a non smoking facility, so you won’t be able to have a snout.
Of course all of this could be a false alarm, in which case you will return home shamefaced with your curly tail between your legs, but if the symptoms return, try going to your local pharmacy for some oinkment.
So it appears Swine Flu has replaced the fears about bird flu. I guess bird flu just never took off…
FIFA has banned Mexican Waves to prevent the spread of infection.
This Swine Flu is bad, I must have had it for about a Weeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!
Apparently, the BBC reports that the symptoms of Swine Flu are intense sweating, incoherent speech, pungent body odour and fatigue. I always knew there as something odd about Gordon Brown…
Anyone else awaiting the first Policeman to be diagnosed with Swine Flu?
You've got to hand it to the Mexicans. Even Osama Bin Laden didn't scare this many Americans.
Mad Cow Disease: Named after my wife. Swine Flu: Named after her mother.
Swine Flu is like Susan Boyle. It hasn't really done much, but anyone with an internet connection has heard of it.
Apparently my mate's got Swine Flu, I think he's just telling porkies, though.
Funny how 90 people get the Swine Flu and everyone wears face masks, but millions get Aids and no-one wears condoms.
Half price on return flights to Mexico, Its not like you're coming back is it?
The pigs are giving people the 'flu. As if arresting you on jumped up charges isn't bad enough…
I just heard on the news that, "Swine flu could potentially be a threat to every single person in England". Well it’s a good thing I’m married then isn’t it.
Apparently the first symptom of Swine Flu is that you get the trotts.
All of this makes me feel like America will view the term "Pigging Out" very differently from now on.
El Paso Fah…..Fahhhhh………Faaaajita!
Swine flu has been reported in Israel. Oh the irony!
Looks like I'm going to have to cancel my salsa lessons.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have Swine Flu
And now so do you
(This one from Edy the Mighty)
What's the past tense of pigs fly? swine flu!
That is what this person wants. From that page:
Budget: $ 20 - 100 Required Skills: C++ / C, Programming, Visual Basic Description I need someone to program me a new OS (Operasting System) that looks different than Ms Windows XP etc. but has the same style. It does not need to run on a mac but all the other PCs. It's supposed to have a stylish look with clear edges etc. And ITS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE JUST A REDESIGNED WINDOWS as I'm going to sell that operating system later on. These are some important points : It should have ALL THE FEATURES that Windows Xp Professional has. ALL the files that run on Windows XP ust also run on the BlueOrb OS. It must have a very user-friendly interface (like MS WINDOWS XP) When it gets Installed, the user needs to insert a serial number. It HAS to be HACKER SAFE! It must be quick and good looking.
Wow. What an idiot! Didn't the linux kernel get valued at a few billion recently? And lets not get onto the 'hacker safe' line!
Podcasts I listen to feed
